but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
