Even the bartender felt bad for me
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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