My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
