new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
