your thong is hanging out like whoa
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
