Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize