be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
