As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
