worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize