He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
