he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
