Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize