with your own penis?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
