I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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