Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
