What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
