Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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