And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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