Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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