there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
