She is in my trunk
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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