i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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