just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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