this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize