She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
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