hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
