8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
