If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
