Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
