Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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