Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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