I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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