I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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