can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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