i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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