Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
