I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize