don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
