What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
