It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
