My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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