I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
