it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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