I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
