The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
