Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
