fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
