You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
