so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
