I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
