PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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