I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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