I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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