Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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