Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
