Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
sex in a hospital.. check
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
