I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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