dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
