1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
