i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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