his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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