LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
