I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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