i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
