I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
