Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
