just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
