is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
