Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
