nut hugger
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
