When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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