well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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